Thinking Time
by lucocat
Summary: The team is stuck at a base in the middle of nowhere and Skye is using the time to process everything that she has been told and everything she knows.


**Disclaimer: This is a fan _fiction_ story and should be read as such, I write for nobody's enjoyment but my own. **

**It's been quite a while from I have published a story on FanFiction, but have been lurking around reading everybody else's exceptional pieces! **

** I have become a SkyeWard shipper who is narked that the writers have taken the show in such a stupid direction! I am hoping that (reading between the lines) Ward having told May he was not blaming himself about Skye's injuries was a dig at their relationship and he was ending it because of her.**

**I know the situation and characters are unrealistic in the context of the show, but once I started I just couldn't stop! **

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The junior members of the team had a long awaited afternoon off, time to do as they pleased whatever it entailed - within reason of course! A sentiment expressed by Coulson whilst focussing all his attention on the lone hacker sitting anxiously on her hands trying to contain her obvious excitement.

Whilst Coulson, May and Ward would be filing reports, attending meetings and filling out requisition orders for various pieces of equipment; Skye and FitzSimmonds had a few hours to themselves in some remote Shield outpost which didn't focus too much on the scientific. FitzSimmonds had reconciled themselves to a few hours of downtime and had planned to catch up with the latest research and science journals that proved difficult to read whilst battling murderous hordes determined that the alien technology they had stumbled upon and did not understand was theirs, in a finders keepers thought mentality. Whilst they had generously offered to keep Skye company, she politely declined their offer citing fatigue at the very mention of anything vaguely work related that required thought and focus. After having questioned Coulson about the base when he had finished his team briefing, Skye was formulating a plan to deal with the pent up energy and frustrations borne out of being cooped up for far too long on the Bus.

She was more interested in the facilities Coulson had mentioned when she had asked where they were going. Aside from the usual official offices you would expect at any government controlled installation, Coulson had also mentioned the presence of a state of the art gym which employees had access to in lieu of facilities available in city bases. Skye initially discounted the gym as a source of amusement, she already worked out more than she thought was necessary as it was with Ward, until Coulson mentioned he might head to the gym building himself for a few laps in the pool before they left - the mention of the pool peaked Skye's interest immediately. Whilst no classroom based subjects in school had ever held Skye's attention for more than a few minutes at a time, she really did enjoy P.E., particularly swimming. Until Coulson had mentioned it, Skye hadn't realised just how much she missed the freedom the water had to offer.

Twisting strands of her hair nervously around her finger, Skye had broached the issue of the swimming pool with Coulson, unsure what his response would be to a girl who made her dislike of working out known at every possible opportunity. _"Hey, could I make a very small request? I promise it won't involve hacking, the Night-Night gun or mounds of paperwork, at least I hope not!"_

Coulson swung round to face Skye, curious about what she could be asking _"Depends what it is, or how much paperwork I could be facing"_, he smiled at her before signalling for her to make her request. Skye then asked about using the swimming pool, citing muscle strength and stamina training to make her case.

Pleasantly surprised as the last thing he ever would have expected was for Skye to ask to use the swimming pool Coulson told her he would arrange access to the pool himself, as she had no real Shield issued credentials. He suspected there was more behind her request but did not question her, if she was happy to amuse herself without getting into trouble whilst everybody else was busy, who was he to argue!

When they landed at the base everyone split off to do what they needed, before going to his first meeting Coulson dropped Skye off at the gym, leaving her with strict instructions that she was to contact him when she was finished, as either he or one of the others would escort her back to the Bus, therefore negating any potential confusion about why a consultant was roaming Shield facilities unaccompanied.

Skye gleefully changed and got into the pool, pleased to see there was only one other person in it. Dipping her head under the water, she appreciated the solitude and quietness at her disposal. Lining herself up with the wall of the pool, Skye gently used it to push off against and quickly settled into a steady stroke. As she swam Skye thought about everything that had happened - joining Shield, betraying Shield, Miles, Jemma nearly dying, the Berserker Staff, Ward, Ward and May (neither of whom appeared to be aware that she knew about them), Coulson wanting to die (despite how much he denied it, Skye knows what happened when she found him), the kid from the Academy they couldn't save and the other who escaped Shield custody, and most pressingly everything Coulson had told her about the village in China and everybody who had died so she could live. It was a lot for one person to process at one time, and Skye knew that was only the tip of the proverbial iceberg she knew tomorrow, hell even tonight, will bring new challenges for her and the team to face but for now she was being selfish and focussing on herself.

Skye knew that working for Shield was not her master plan, but she couldn't disagree with everything that had happened since she signed up. They really had done some good, despite blips and blunders along the way, Skye knew they were in it for the long haul - fighting the good fight. Whilst she still didn't trust her teammates with all her secrets (blame Miles for crushing what little faith she had in people), she didn't shy away from sharing bits about herself with them. They knew more about her than people in her life before Shield did, and she was finding she didn't mind at all.

The information Coulson had gathered about her past caused her great concern, but not just for herself. Many people had died for her maybe even her family, how could she possibly even begin to repay that debt. Whilst the Shield Agents involved had their names on the Wall of Valour (a small gesture in face of their bravery), there was nothing to recognise the sacrifice the villagers had made too - no standing monument for their unjust killing that she knew of. Then there was the continuing threat to those around her and the danger she was putting them in. Agent Lumley was alive, hadn't seen her since she was taken to the orphanage yet he had still had sacrificed his life for her - he had cut off contact with Shield, with his family and friends and wiped himself off the grid. For 24 years and counting, he lived a life that wasn't what he planned - Skye wondered what he had left behind, did he have a girlfriend, wife, children, nieces or nephews? Did his parents think he was dead? That was one hell of a sacrifice Skye couldn't even comprehend, faced with the same situation she liked to think she would make the same choices but who knows what they would do.

Even now her team mates were in danger and aside from Coulson and May, they didn't know it. What would she do if any of them were hurt because of her? Coulson hadn't wanted to tell her everything Agent Lumley had told him but Skye persisted, she needed to know everything. She had reasoned with Coulson that she needed to understand everything to begin to process what information he had given her, which he finally relented and did. Skye had initially though, and if she was truly honest still did think, about running away. For 24 years she had survived an enemy she didn't know existed; now she knew she would be better prepared to face what was surely heading her way. She wanted to face this alone, didn't want the blood of more people on her hands, particularly those she had grown close to. She knew the team would protect themselves and each other but rationally she knew that an entire village and two Shield teams had been killed, what chance would 5 people on an aircraft have? From the night Coulson had told her what he knew Skye hadn't slept, the same thoughts kept her up and when she did manage to drift off she had very real nightmares of people she did and didn't know lying bloodied all around her and she woke up sweating, tangled up in her bedding. Coulson had been frank with her that day, he didn't know what the threat was to her or to the team but he wanted her to remain with them for as long as possible. He impressed on her the need not to draw attention to herself, and to follow his orders precisely - more lives were at stake than just hers now. Skye told herself she was being selfish for staying and everyone would have a better chance if she just disappeared off the radar, but every time she went to pick up the emergency bag she had stashed under her bed to leave, the faces of the two people she presently trusted most in the world came to mind - Coulson and Ward.

Skye stopped her current lap for a quick breather and to check the clock on the wall. Scrubbing her hands over her face and pushing back the wisps of hair plastered to her face Skye looked across the pool noticing that she was alone, or so she thought. Whilst swimming she had failed to notice Ward entering the pool area in search of her; when Skye started to look around the entirety of the pool before starting a new lap, Ward ducked back into the shadows not wanting Skye to spot him. This was the first time he had seen her relax since the drama at the Science Academy, and he was reluctant to agitate her. He knew something had happened whilst she was on the plane but no information had been forthcoming; Coulson told him that Skye would discuss it with who she wanted, when she wanted but other than that Ward was not to question Skye about it - and that was a direct order. Ward had left well enough alone, but it was getting increasingly harder when he could see Skye was so obviously suffering. He knew she wasn't sleeping, in the dead of night when he was lying in May's bunk (questioning his decisions) he could hear her scurrying about in the lounge or silently tracked her down to the lab where she sat engrossed in the computer screen oblivious to his presence, studying her from a safe distance. He could see the tension in her body whilst she sat at the computer, trained with him in the cargo hold or simply sat in the lounge in the presence of the others. Ward recognised the desperate need of someone beyond the point of tiredness craving sleep but fighting it at every step of the way. One night when he was sulking back to his own bunk from May's he noticed that Skye hadn't properly closed her door; he felt compelled to check on her, drawn to her door and pushing it open slightly more he immediately spotted her thrashing about in her sleep, mumbling words he couldn't hear. Ward wanted nothing more than to go to her and comfort her but he didn't want to destroy her like he did with everything in his life, even his arrangement with May was going to crash and burn he just knew it, it was just a matter of when.

Ward had returned to the plane earlier than anticipated, looking around for the half of the team who supposedly hadn't ventured outside. He went straight to the lab figuring that was where everyone was but could only see FitzSimmonds working diligently on some experiment chattering away together, so went in search of his rookie figuring they could distract each other with a few board games until they were ready to leave base. He searched the plane for her, becoming increasingly anxious when he couldn't find her; he went back to the lab and checked with FitzSimmonds, they knew she had left with Coulson but didn't know where they went.

Ward grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and typed out a quick message to Coulson, letting him know he was finished at the base and awaited further instructions. He queried Skye's location and if he could be of any assistance; Ward didn't like that Skye was off the plane without his knowledge or his presence - anything could be happening, Shield wasn't too keen on having the hacker on their team (Agent Hand had made that blatantly obvious) what if they sent her to a detainment facility for her actions or had overruled Coulson's decision to keep her on the Bus as their consultant? What if Coulson had taken her to the medical facility - he too knew Skye hadn't been sleeping, what if he suspected something was seriously wrong with her. So many thoughts went through his mind, each more horrible than the next - never had 3 minutes (the time it took for Coulson to reply) gone so slowly or morbidly.

_Stand down for a few hours. Skye's at in the gym, at swimming pool - can you escort back to Bus? Stuck in meetings for a while longer. C_

_"Swimming pool? What the hell?"_ Ward reread the message a few times before its meaning sunk in. His rookie was voluntarily taking exercise; maybe something really was wrong with her! Excusing himself from the lab, he ran down through the cargo hold just as May was returning; acknowledging her with a quick nod he continued on to his destination.

When he made it to the pool it took him a fraction of a second to spot her in the water, swimming at the side of the pool furthest away from him. He didn't even know Skye could swim - he quickly became transfixed with the rhythm and pace she had set, she would duck under the water the way he would see the professionals do on TV to turn and begin the next length. Her strokes were powerful yet graceful; she was oblivious to everything around her, in her own world seemingly concentrating on nothing but her breathing and her next turn. Ward didn't want to disturb her; he already felt like he was intruding and suspected his presence would not be welcomed. Ever since the incident with the Berserker Staff, things between them had changed - he knew what he said to her, how horrible he was, he didn't expect forgiveness but Skye somehow proved she stronger than him and forgave him wholeheartedly. Despite this he didn't think that was causing the problem between them, there was something else that had come between them but he couldn't pin point it despite having devoted many hours thinking about nothing else.

Watching Skye swim length to length, Ward hoped she would tire herself out enough to finally get a few hours sleep unmarred by whatever was haunting her.

Skye stopped again and checked the clock, after her previous quick stop she focussed on her other major problem - Ward, namely the relationship between him and May. She couldn't understand why it bothered her so much; that night at the hotel she genuinely offered him a shoulder to lean on not expecting him to accept but at least she tried to reach out. Typically he declined her offer and she left the bar and returned to her room with the intention of relaxing and recharging before the morning came and the madness started all over again. She got into her room and started running a bath when her phone beeped, it was Simmonds asking if she wanted to join her and Fitz at the bar for a few drinks. Whilst she was heading out of her room she caught sight of Ward turning away from his door and straight to May's open one; Skye stood still until she heard the door firmly close and stared blankly at it. How had she been so oblivious to what was happening around her; of course Ward wouldn't want to talk to her, why would he when Melinda May was offering herself up to him without making him work for it. They had more in common than she and Ward ever would have. The angrier she became about what she knew the faster she swam almost as if she was trying to race the thoughts whizzing around in her head, all her deep seeded insecurities surfacing and shouting at her that she wasn't good enough for anybody so why would he accept her. In her own eyes she was damaged beyond belief, unworthy of giving love or receiving it in return from others it was only a matter of time before everything around her would implode and she would once again be alone, roaming the earth in search of answers she didn't even know the questions to.

Finally conceding to sore arms and laboured breathing, Skye completed her current lap and then climbed out of the pool. She grabbed her towel from where she left it and made it through to the changing area, where she typed out a quick message to Coulson letting him know she would be ready for pick up in 20 minutes.

27 minutes later Skye walked out of the changing rooms and smack bang into Ward who was pacing outside the doors waiting on her.

"_Whoa there Tin Man, what's got you in a tizz?"_ Skye pushed off Ward's chest, fixed her bag back onto her shoulder and gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Ward started to walk off, then turned back to Skye _"Are we ok? It seems like something has happened between us and I really don't know what. You gotta help me here rookie, I haven't a clue."_

He could see conflicting emotions flying through her face, her mouth opening and closing to answer and simultaneously not answer his question. He reached for her wrist when she turned to walk away from him, spun her round to face him and tilted her head up to force eye contact between them. _"No rambling your way out of this Skye, tell me straight what is going on. Coulson said you were fine but you're struggling, I can see it. I know you're not sleeping you are focussing entirely on work which great as that is for somebody else, is not you. When was the last time you spent time living in the moment, what happened to the snarky hacktavist who helped Simmonds reprogramme the holo-table when Fitz wasn't looking to play the American anthem everytime he turned it on. Or who helped Coulson bake cookies at 3 o'clock in the morning when he couldn't sleep? You've changed and I can't understand why."_

Skye continued opening and closing her mouth, wanting to answer and share her burden but the warnings from Coulson were racing around in her head. _"Ward, I can't, please don't ask me. We need to get back to the Bus everyone will be waiting, I promised I wouldn't get into trouble that I would do what I was told. Please Ward we need to get back, I've work to do."_ Skye was becoming increasingly frustrated, she desperately wanted to tell Ward what she had been told but she knew it wouldn't be fair to expect him to share her burden. Then another thought dawned on her, from the deep recesses of her mind, the part of her mind that sabotaged any good thought she had. Technically she was an 0-8-4 and Ward was a highly trained Shield Agent, what if he assessed her as being too much of a risk to the team and had her sent to a detainment facility. Coulson had told her he would protect her as much as he could, but Ward bled Shield through and through, he would have no hesitation in making the decision to have her removed from the team, particularly if she posed a threat. At one time Skye would have believed that she could talk everything through with Ward, but Miles had seriously dented their friendship. And now he was sleeping with May, who had already made it know on multiple occasions that she thought Skye being on the Bus was a big mistake, surely it wouldn't be long before the two of them convinced Coulson that Skye needed to be taken to the Sandbox for containment and investigation if Ward knew.

"_Ward, we need to get back everyone will be wondering where we are. Nothing's wrong, it's just everything that has been happening recently with Coulson being kidnapped and Quinn reappearing. I just need time to process some stuff, if I need a shoulder I'll call on you; please can we go back to the Bus now?"_ Skye pulled her wrist free of his grip and all but ran out the building's door, down the steps. Throwing herself down on the bottom step, Skye wrapped her arms around her legs and put her head on her knees using her jeans to soak up her tears. She tensed when she felt Ward sitting down beside her, _"I can't Ward, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone please don't ask me, they'll make me leave and I just can't do that. I know it's selfish, but please don't make me leave give me more time."_ Having no idea what she was talking about, Ward could do nothing else but wrap an arm around her and pulled her tight to his chest, _"I would never do anything to make you leave, please don't think that, I just want to help Skye I'm sorry for asking. I didn't mean to make you cry, please don't cry. Whenever you're ready come talk to me, you're not alone I promise you that, no matter how lonely you feel I will always be here for you, I'd wait forever."_


End file.
